Stila: In The Light

Stila smudge stick waterproof eye liner - damsel.

Bad bad swatches without primer on.

Whaddup people? Can't believe it's 2014 already! Feels like high school life was just yesterday. God I'm old. Please slow down, time!

Here now, a long overdue post - I've actually drafted this ages ago. Procrastination huh? Guilty as charged... To get rid of the habit of deferring and postponing was my new year's resolution 2 years ago I think. Jeez, I even procrastinate eliminating procrastination...  Unbelievable!

Back to the topic - I've been contemplating to buy an eye shadow kit or palette for a long long time. I previously used a Maybelline eye shadow kit but sadly the colour couldn't stay long on my lids and worst of all, the shimmers even dropped on my cheek. I know - Perhaps I need a primer. But I didn't feel like wasting RM50 or more on a primer that I'd probably used not more than 10 times in a year since I don't really put on makeup as often as I thought I would.

Naked was on my to-buy list since forever (by the time I was "considering", Naked 2 and even 3 were not released yet wtf procrastination) but it was too expensive and way out of my budget even though it contains 12 gorgeous eye colours. However Naked has too many shimmering colours and sadly I'm not really a huge fan of glitters as 1. I prefer an effortless, "less is more" look. Plus, smoky eyes? Totally not my thing, at all. 2. Glitters kinda make my eyes look puffy. 3. Come on, would you seriously use 12 of the available colours? ALL?

So I was at Sephora with my girlfriend a few months ago, and I was struggling to get either Naked Basics Palette ($27) that consists of 6 matte eye colours or a Stila palette as their palettes have received many many great reviews... In the end I got Stila In The Light Palette ($39) and I absolutely love it.

It consists of 10 matte or shimmering eye colours along with an eye liner. Fortunately the shimmers are not too over-the-top and they are not as glittery as I dread they would be.

After few rounds of experimenting with the colours, I now use the colours as follow:

1. Bare over my lid as a base and to highlight my nose bridge, nose tip, cheek bone & brow bone,


2. Sunset/Glided gold on my crease,


3. Sandstone/Luster/Ebony to fill the top of my eyelines,


4. Kitten to highlight my center lid in the last step,


5. Sandstone to contour my nose & eyes.

A multi-function palette. How amazing is it?

Besides, the eye liner is wonderful as well. The eye liner is not only long lasting and waterproof. the texture is not too hard that it may hurt my eyes nor too soft to break into pieces while applying. I normally use it to tightline my eyes and the smooth texture makes the application easier and faster. However the downside is that the applicator is flawed - No matter how many times I turned the applicator, the core would just come up a tiny little bit and it was very, very frustrating. I gotta say, the applicator is even worst than a typical drugstore twist-up eye liner. Also, apparently I'm not the only one with this issue after going through Sephora's product reviews. Boo, what a major let down.

Am thinking of getting Soap & Glory shower gel next... Clean On Me? Or Sugar Crush? :P
Haa! Till the next time dearies. x



x Jess

The past 3 months in a nutshell.

Yes. I'm still alive. Finals were a pain in the arse and am glad it's finally over. Don't really care about the results now as what's past is past. I had a blast on my birthday though. Cakes, surprises, balloons, more cakes & lovely companies. What more can I ask? Very blessed to have what I have right now.

Few more days till 2014. I am never a new year resolution girl 'cuz I know I won't achieve anything. But so far what have I achieved this year?

Hmm. Gained a couple pounds, had a relationship, ended a relationship when I realised that I'm not entirely ready yet, conquered the 4th and 5th semester of my tertiary education (jeez, sem 4 feels like eons ago), and lastly but most importantly I've made some great friends that brightens my day. So I guess 2013 is pretty good ey?

Fixed my hair a day before Christmas to get ready for a fresh start. The 6th semester will be my last semester in campus as off we go to the career field after that. Can't really describe how I'm feeling - Anticipation for a new beginning yet fearing the unknown world. Humans, why are you so full of self-contradiction?

Despite all the mixed feelings, now I feel like I have a clearer vision of what I want for my future and hopefully I will make it there. Hell, I must make it there no matter what for my own sake.

Merry Christmas, you. And cheers to a new year & another chance for us to get it right.

x Jess

Home

Am having mid-semester break now hence I'm back at home.
It's more like a rehab to me. A place for me to stay away from all the distraught thoughts.

And I've been doing nothing but reading some Mandarin novels, fanfictions and also... finished watching A:TLA & TLoK (hurray!).
There goes 4 days of my 1 week holiday. Sucks.

Am tying to spend more time with my parents but ended up spending more time with the computer (as usual).
The truth is, I dunno how to. This is just the way we are.
Dad - TV, mom - busy doing something, me - in my bedroom. Or perhaps I should come up with something - time for some family bonding?
Also, mom needs someone to talk to. I'm more a listener/responder than a chitty-chatty but hey, I'm trying.
The other night she told me,

"You know last night when we were talking, daddy counted."

"He counted the days of us, together. When you were in high school you joined the band and you were at school most of your times. And after that you went to college, you stayed outside. Then you went to KL."

"The days of you staying by our sides... they aren't much."

And then, I felt a tightness in my chest.

x Jess

Moonlight.

Nothing, nothing beats Debussy's Clair de Lune.

Raw.

So my parents have just came back from a little trip to Chiang Mai and my dad has been bombarding me with some photos of him and my mom.

Let's face it. My mom forced him to send the photos.
"Let them see our photos, send them! Or post on web!"
By web she means Facebook.

And seeing the photos is like... receiving a wake up call.

...My parents are old now. Like, old old.
Funny how every time I think of them, I still picture them in the younger days.
Perhaps deep down I refuse to grow up. I'll always be their little daughter, that hand needs to be held before crossing the road.

My dad used to be very, very fat so we kept urging him to lose some weight.
After a couple years of trying, now that he has lost his tummy and all, I'm starting to worry that is he losing too much weight?
Sometimes pictures show more than what you see in reality.

And my mom. God. Where should I even begin? She used to be so pretty and youthful. But the grey hair and the tired face shown on the photos made my cringe.

I dunno how to describe what I'm feeling right now. This... emotion. Sorrow, perhaps?
And the worst part is, I can do nothing about it. It's beyond my power. Except for appreciating their presence more. And try not to think about it.

That one day I'll have to cross the road without them holding my hands.
The two major pillars of my life. crumbling down.
What's coming for me. And the days after.
I don't think I'll ever be prepared for that. No man is programmed to be prepared for that.

Can we go back to that Saturday afternoon when I was 6?
Where 5 of us including my brothers were watching some western movie in my parents' room.
Dad was sleeping, mom was ironing clothes, we were sititng on the floor...
Just 5 of us, inside a little room. As simple, as blissful as that.
... I'd trade anything in the world for that moment.

x Jess

An answer from the Universe.

The 20 Things You Need to Stop Doing to Yourself.

This is perhaps the solution to all my questions. Read it up if you have the time. Cheers.

x Jess

Carpe diem.

Bought this in Nagoya, Japan 2 years ago (woah, how time flies) on a chilly night.

Burst into Starbucks and had an awkward brief conversation with the barista, well given the fact that all I know how to speak is "マレーシアからです 日本語が話せません" (I come from Malaysia. I don't speak Japanese). Damn the Japanese they speak so fast my brain can't even think of a response to reply. All I could do was nod or respond by giving them an awkward smile. Bet I look like an idiot.

Anyway back to the topic. Funny how I bought a tumbler but I have never used it. Never, for the last 2 years. It's just that every time when I want to use it, all I can think of is breaking it or dropping it etc. I've been this way for all my life. Bought a nice pencil box or eraser (yes I know, it's just a freaking eraser), kept them in my drawer. Bags or clothes that held a special meaning or was given by someone special, locked 'em in the closet. Even food! Bought a cake from Japan and didn't eat it not until the expiry date (I know. Don't judge). Well you see the pattern.

I'm just afraid of losing things that are important to me, you know? Even a tiny dent or scratch flips my switch. I just can't bear it (Jeez I sound like I have some serious issue). My mom saw it through me and she said, "When are you going to use it then? When you're old? When you're dead? ... You can't take it to your grave, you know."

Ok this post is going no where. What I want to say is: live for the moment, or carpe diem. You'll never know when's your last day, so what's worth of not living your life, or not being who you want until the last of your days?

I have no idea what brought up this thought. Maybe because that it's been extremely stressful these few days, making me to think stuff that is always hidden beneath a part of my brain, or maybe because of this article.

Am I making the right choice? Am I doing what I want to do? Will my future self hate me for making this choice? What will she say? Will my parents be proud of me? I've been asking myself lately. And sometimes the future scares me. I know everyone has the same thought and they have also been constantly questioning themselves throughout their entire lives. Maybe it's a part of being an adult, or maybe it's just how society has shaped us.

... Enough of the dark thought! Hakuna matata! Why worry about tomorrow when you know everything will work out just well, and the problems will be solved by the universe? Yup that's kinda my law of attraction.

Again, this is going nowhere. Best if I hit the sack now cuz my brain is frying up. Until the next time, right when I've finished all my tasks. Sad story of a lifeless 3rd year student.

x Jess